« June 2003 | Main | August 2003 »
Archives: July 2003
Presentation in school
So let me tell you bout the presentation I had.
You can't imagine...
As I foresaw, we were too late (well I arrived 10 to 5, and the presentation started at 5...) On top of it, all my necessary pictures were in Tamar's bag...
So I already agreed on the fact that this presentation was going to be a huge flop.
And in the way of the selffurfilling prophecy, it became a huge flop.
To be very honest, I didn't give a nuts. On the one hand I made this kind of thing that provoked. (and I knew...) on the other hand I was soooo tired. I didn't even defend myself. It turned out to be a discussion amongst teachers (like all presentations) and they were very hard on me.
It was ok. In some points they were right, in other I know they reacted very Israeli, defensive.
I learned a lot. And I guess this is still the purpose of those things (I consider school to learn something, so it is ok to make mistakes. We even have to make mistakes.)
Just until the point that one teacher started to call my work antisemetic. That was too much, so I interrupted, and because he didn't stop, the other teacher interrupted. It was way over the limit. I thought it was pretty amazing that this guy that doens't know me at all, declares on bases of worl that I am antisemitic...
Anyway, in order not to get into politics, I kept quiet. They didn't experience the things I saw, and one could consider as a good reason to hate what is happening here. But I was not willing to defend things that I don't want to defend.
I think Israeli's are making a big mistake, but it is not to me to declare that. I am trying to show other things.
They didn't see it that way.
The whole bullnuts of art went through, and I still think it is bullnuts in a way. Make nice and soft things. Instead this became a huge thing and at least people had to think, because I made them to.
Nobody will believe that I made a different idea for my presentation and for my Open Studio. Everybody will think I changed my Open Studio because of the critics. But Tamar and I know better... For my presentation I wanted two projectors, for Open Studio only one.
Why? Because things are lacking. I don't know yet what I will be showing... But that is ok.
I started to make some presentation with texts and lomo's, with pictures in a different way, pretty arty.
And guess what, right after I went into Tamar's office to say I made some goodlooking bullnuts, Nahum, the teacher came, and looked to the work, was surprised it was mine and said: 'Really nice work'
I had to smile.
People don't realize how difficult it is to make a good documentary, the work and mind it takes. Art is different, it is not easy either, but it is less involving. Less satisfying for me.
They look at pictures and say you're not involved, or it is like this style etc. Bullnuts. I dare them to ask to do the same, and talk then. All the art-critics...
This is what I learned from my art-teacher in high school: don't criticise unless you do it better. -So i started doing it. grin-
I am not a good artist, nor a good photographer. This is what they told me during 5 years.
Still I got the highest grades and achieved some things not so easy to get.
So I don't complain.
The times that critics could hurt me is over. So they don't.
Sigal will say on this that I did looked pale and that this writing is the proof I am busy with it. Ok, maybe it is, but not as before.
I got out of the presentation (Sigal and Vinnie kidnapped me) and we went to the beach.
That was far more interesting, because it was real.
Evrything is relative.
Th eonly question I had afterwards was: DO IMAGES MATTER?
I guess the answer is still yes for me, and that is reason enough to keep on going.
Posted on July 1, 2003
in Living in Israel
Digg this | 
Add to Delicious | Technorati reactions | Permalink | 
Comments (0)
Tag the city
So I am feeling veryvery tired. The reason: hectic weekend, and hectic week. Presentations, exhibitions, saying bye to everybody.
Crossing around.
This morning I said goodbye to my Daheisheh-family, and hell, it hurted. Really hurted.
Everybody says it is only for 4 months, but it feels like lifetime now.
Yasser and I had this amazing conversation, and fun. Lately I see the light in their eyes, Amal is dancing around as a real bellydancer, Teher smiles, and even serious Yasser has to laugh his amazing smile.
I guess the coming over of the guys was fun for him: imagine all these guys together talking about girls....
Now I 've told him I fancy girls, we started looking together to the nice buts. grin.
So maybe he finds a companion in me now...
Anyway, I will miss him.
His mother kept on saying how she liked me and how sweet my mother was. I gave her the sweetest hug I had and she started crying.
It is amazing you know. I know hardly some words Arabic, and still we are able to communicate in a way, and more important to appreciate because of our smiles and behaviours. Again it prooves that language is not allways the most important thing (although it improves a lot of things)
So I was pretty sad when I went back.
Sigal was worried and knows I crashed (because of lack of sleep and my sad mood)
Tamar the same, but she had it sooooo busy with the exhibition I really don't want to bother her. (Although I could jump on her to get a sweet hug.)
I try not to think how I will miss them. And yet by know I already think I do, because I almost have no time left with them.
In 4 months you're back, they say, but I guess they also know there is the first 2 weeks...
After the artworks and everything I went home (at Sigals) and to make myself better I decided to stick all those stickers I took at the consulate.
They say 'Life is worth living' and 'We are all human beings' I saw them last time, and yesterday I took most of them (because they are just lying there, and me, I wil
l stick them) The texts are translated in Arabic.
So I started to stick them in Tel Aviv, on my way home.
Everywhere you can see them now. (and very obvious they are leading to Sigal's place...)
I hope some people see them and think for a second about it.
I choose two important places. One is the bench of the homeless lady (who wasn't there now) and another was in front of the apartment of a friend of Sigals. When I met him he was very very sweet, but also very sad. He fought in Lebanon, and has so many bitter memories on it. It made me sad too. So I just hope he reads it too and tries to make his live worth living.
Further on, other ones are on ordinary places.
I hope the consul is not mad on me taking those stickers. grin. - I think not, you should now him...-
So I felt a little better after doing this. And when coming home Sigal was there, and we hugged, and everything felt ok.
Posted on July 2, 2003
in Living in Israel
Digg this | Add to Delicious | Technorati reactions | Permalink | Comments (0)
Exhibition and tattoo.
Yesterday Open Studio, the exhibition opened. It was fun. I show(ed) my Daheisheh pictures, and made some 'arty' stuff.
The last things I never showed to my teachers (if I showed my teachers any thing at all...) and they were quite surprised bout it. grin. It is contrary to what I do as a 'documentary photographer' but for me it all makes sense. Good sense.
So I made a new work yesterday in the last 10 minutes. Decided to do so. Because? Because I had some time left and I really wanted to make what I think. The words Tamar passed me suited so well...
So it was funny when Moshe Ninio, a teacher and art-critic asked me: this is new work. (I had to smile in myself, yes it is only 2 hours old...)
He started a lecture to me, on my work, which was quite interesting, but on the other hand it was an opening, and I was drunk because of vodka-orange and too hot temperature. I guess you can imagine how my conversation was.
He said my work was on blindness. Not of the people but of me.
So quite a critique again.
The funny thing was that again, I had to smile. It didn't matter.
I am not here to try to be an artist. I just want to have fun an ddo intersting stuff.
So when later in the night a man came to me to ask whether these pictures were mine (on Daheisheh stuff) and I confirmed, he said: 'Strong work'
You know, even if it isn't, it doesn't matter. Because I moved one person (who said it) and maybe others follow. And that's enough...
On the exhibition Debbie Baute came, a Belgian girl I was trying to meet during 8 months, and always there was a reason not to. It was nice to meet her. She wrote some stories for the Standaard diaries abroad. And when I met her, I was a little bit mad aboud myself not doing the effort of meeting her urlier. But I come back, and she'll be here. So nothing lost.
Great day, great memories.
Tamar, thanks for convincing me to stay some more days (but I guess that was not such a hard job)
Oh I got my tattoo. Finally after 10 years of speaking and 5 years of thinking what to put, a little swallow is born...
Don't tell to my grandmum!!!! She'll kill me...
Posted on July 4, 2003
in Living in Israel
Digg this | Add to Delicious | Technorati reactions | Permalink | Comments (0)
On a plane to Belgium
On the plane to london. K's choice in my ears. Two little nerds next to me.
Tears fall all over. I don't know what the steward thinks. And I don't care.
The last months, the last days flash through my head and I don't know what has been going on.
Images of completeness. Smiles, jokes. Fun. And intimacy.
The putting of the tattoo. A symbol. For the changement.
"I learned to let go of the illusion that we can possess
I learned to let go, I travel in stillness
And I'll remember happiness"
I don't know for sure I learned how to let go.
8 months ago I got on a plane and started to cry.
Jump to nowhere.
Nowhere turned out to be an amazing place. Well not a place, a mind of state between people.
Again I have to let go...
It is not the going that is difficult, it is the leaving, I wrote before.
And by now I know that's a reality.
I leave behind.
Nothing but friends (and some forgotten clothes...)
Tamar and Sigal smiled, 'you come back' they say. Sigal will be sitting on a plane next week, to Brussels, to see her 'Vinnie'
It makes the pain easier. I will be there, in the airport. To hug.
Tamar comes in August. I will be there. To love the blink.
The time will past fast, they say. I nod, careful, not sure about that.
I wonder where the fast time will be in the emptiness of the nights. Or in a studio that is empty. The laughing that stopped. The bedtimestories that are lacking. The talks on a roof or in a living room. The coffee. The little girl cheating on me. And later in the bed, putting her cheek against mine, and a smile. I still don't understand a word she says, and yet I know.
The feet in the water.
The hugs, soo many hugs...
Sarah screams in my ear: 'I don't know the answer to this day.'
Normally that is ok, but today, again it feels a little bit sad.
The purser comes around and askes whether I want meat or chicken. I order meat and think too late of the mad cows disease.
As dinner arrives, and I see the meat, it looks like mad cows.
The Bordeaux of 2001 tastes too sharp.
On top of it a choir of babies start crying.
I burst out in laughter. The woman next to me looks at me and starts laughing too. We're both sitting with headphones on high level in order to neglect the crying.
I guess I won't feel better til I am home and I will look for somebody to open arms and close them while I am inbetween.
Tel Aviv, I miss you.
My god, I miss you...
Posted on July 5, 2003
in Living in Israel
Digg this | Add to Delicious | Technorati reactions | Permalink | Comments (1)
On another plane to Brussels
On another plane, crossing the sky, going down to earth, coldplay in my ears.
A song that represents this 8 months.
And as I dive into the clouds I smile, it feels like heaven.
Suddenly all that I see is green land, and I have to smile, thinking of Tamar's words...
They would love it, and suddenly I realize what we have.
Heaven.
I do miss Tel Aviv, and Daheisheh, but I love to land in here. The swallw that returns.
That has to return to know what is left.
Things have changed. New buildings, new roads.
My grandparents pick me up, and suddenly there is my father with my shy little brother.
While driving to Ghent one day later, I can't stop loving my city.
It is soooo beautiful.
Maybe because I left it so long I can see its charm and beauty again.
And my god, it is so peaceful.
No stress, no police, no hurry, bikers on the streets, so many bikers, old charming houses,
The sun not to hot.
Everything is new again and I can enjoy: french fries, a normal little bread at noon
(instead of the pittabread from Tel Aviv) the sun on my skin, the water, the stones in the street.
I enjoy.
I get little messages from everybody mailing, smssing and calling if I am back. Funny, I was missed a little bit.
And I end up at my old job. Where I am now. Working again. (All my days are getting filled very easily, invitations for dinners etc.)
I know it will be for short, and after that I will be leaving for the big black again. But by now I know
I will land well.
I always do...
Posted on July 7, 2003
in Living in Israel
Digg this | Add to Delicious | Technorati reactions | Permalink | Comments (0)
Differences
The emptiness of things comes over me. It is 8.25 (TLV time) and my friends who know me well should be worried knowing me awake already...
Maybe because there is not the lovely lady coming in, smiling and saying: look at my beautiful flowers, maybe it is because there is not the little girl coming into the bed and putting her cheek close to mine, maybe it is because the nice slowly waking up with two in the morning is gone. The bed I slept in, once so full of friends is empty now, and my heart is too.
Never thought I, the 'lonely cowboy' would get used to people around me, and I would miss them when they were not there.
I try to fill up my agenda, working already 5 days a week, and in the evening planning to see friends, not to be alone.
Yesterday somebody told me I didn't change much (and another said I gained weight...), the only thing I could think about was that they can't see behind these eyes, they don't know what is in this head.
Antoher friend called me and we started talking. How I was? 'Kacha kacha.' So-so.
Because it is strange. It truly is.
Ghent is a relieve, because it is such amazing beautiful city. Small, cosy, old and yet filled with young people, we have loads of culture in musea and in the streets, fancy shops, and quiet. At least for now. In some days the city will change in a festival that lasts for 10 days. Most of the people that live here long enough, take vacation on those days. Because we are overwhelmed by people from all over the country, but also from all over Europe.
I will be working.
The friend agreed on Ghent, from all the cities we've visited, Ghent is probably one the cosiest and yet with all the facilities one could dream of.
It is said to be the safest city of Belgium, and Belgium is said to be the 4th best country to live in (wealthy circumstances), in the world...
She said she could never live in the Middle-East.
I had to correct her, it is so different. You can not compare.
I come home and the stress falls, no agressivity, no cars with the horn, people (not extremely) friendly (unless you compare it to Tel Aviv), no soldiers in the streets.
But yet because of that you don't have the extremes.
I still can't imagine walking the streets here, and being invited to ones house to eat, nor being guided through the city, nor being defended by strangers when somebody else is unpolite to me...
It is only different.
The fact that you can change culture in only 60 minutes, going from an 'western' city to the Arab world, when entering Daheisheh.
To eat with your hands, to be hugged by the family that already excepts you as part of it. To go in the streets and children that come to you and jump, their eyes glance when they see you.
Knowing they will do the same in 4 months when you will be back.
Thats the other difference.
Posted on July 8, 2003
in Living in Belgium
Digg this | Add to Delicious | Technorati reactions | Permalink | Comments (0)
Aaargh...
Aaargh. Got the worst night since arrival. According to Kristien I overdid myself. Maybe she's right. I started working right away, just to be busy. But by now the throat-ache(?) has gone worse and I didn't sleep all night. By 4 o'clock in the morning is was convinced I had SARS (because of my overnight at Heathrow) and was going to die within some hours. Finally I felt asleep and 10 hours later I am still alive. I will go and see the doctor anyway, because I think I will have another terrible night. Then I started thinking that because of me being in Israel, I didn't pay the money for my social insurance. So if I go to the doctor, I don't get any money back. So I'll have to arrange that to next week...
Called the scholarshipdepartment yesterday, it seems they are stil busy with everything. (I don't know how long they have to count on the fact I get a scholarship or not, but my papers are lying there since April.... Bad camculator I would say. Anyway, it isn't a NO, so I still have chance to get the 1200 Euro... Would be good. Very good.
So keep those fingers crossed...
Everybody is asking me whether I am OK. Well... I feel sick tired and I am working.
My body is here, my mind is floqting back to a certain country, reliving everything bit by bit.
Every evening I have something to do, meetings, seeing friends, dinners (mjammie) but it is a lot.
I think in some weeks things get back to normal.
Or not. Grin.
Posted on July 9, 2003
in Living in Belgium
Digg this | Add to Delicious | Technorati reactions | Permalink | Comments (2)
Motorcycle arrived
Again a crazy day.
Seems that I don't have the time to rest. Yesterday John called and he wanted me to go to sleep.
Right, easy to say, and probably he's right...
But there is soo much to do...
Yesterday I went to the pressagency. Wim, one of the owners, is great. Really an amazing man.
You can see in his eyes that he saw a lot of the world. And yet, he's so sweet.
They asked me to do a proposition for the site.
Interesting. It is always fun when you can combine fun and work together.
After that I had to go to the Belgian Radiostation Radio 1.
I met Krista Verhaeghen, with whom I have been mailing for the last 4 months.
More and more I start to see the people I met on the web/in the telephone, in real-time.
And it is great.
She has this amazing radiovoice, in such a nice soft Dutch. Tamar would love it.
And on top of it, she looks like her voice. (Which is meant as a compliment.)
They are enthousiastic about the project in Israel (Linking diaries of the children) and
will probably come over in November to make a documentary on it.
And when I told her about Albania, she immediatly added she wanted to talk about this on the radio too.
Cool. Smile.
It is rather flattering when people think you're doing something amazing.
I still think I am just busy trying to have fun and doing interesting things in this life.
My father agreed on that statement, in the evening...
When I went and bought that motorcycle I've been dreaming about since I am 6.
My family will remember me at that age, coming to all the familymeetings with this stupid plastic
helmet of 'the Chips' and me driving on my little bicycle acting like one of those policeguys.
Later I found out it was not the police thing that attracted me but the motorcycle.
So I turned up to the same family meetings with the same helmet, and hanging around that one uncle
(Marc) who sometimes cames with the motorcycle.
One day, he took me.
Today, I have my own.
And my mother and father were looking at their little baby grown up but as happy.
It looked like
Santa Claus dropped by and gave me the nicest present ever...
They had to laugh again.
That's when my dad said: 'This is the girl that says she has no dreams because she has everything she wants.
Well, indeed she has everything.'
It was nice to see my parents together, in a way peacefull. 5 Years ago this scenery would have been impossible.
TOday, I feel comfortable about it, and that's very OK.
Even when my father appeared in the airport, with my little brother, my grandmother was not saying too much, but she was not screaming either.
This is what my sis and have been waiting for, I think.
No more stress about who is where, who sees who.
And I enjoy seeing them like this.Happy because I am happy as a 3 year old.
Me happy, drove a little round. (Prudent as ever.)
From Monday on I will be able to drive as many circles as I want to.
And I will...
You'll see me around.
Posted on July 11, 2003
in Living in Belgium
Digg this | Add to Delicious | Technorati reactions | Permalink | Comments (0)
Tamar surprises
Tamar called. 'Are you at home?' 'No I am not.'
'So go first home, and call me back.' 'What, what's happening?'
'I want you to sit down.' 'I am.' 'Okok. you're prepared?'
'For what?'
'Well, next Thursday on 5 AM, I am landing in Brussels!'
'What??'
I knew. I felt it before. I was hanging in the air, in the way she said 'Are you prepared.'
I knew she was coming.
I love it.
I truly do.
We talked for too long (my mother is going to kill me, she already looked very strange and I
hope I can catch that telephone bill before she does...)
and it was a strange but nice talk.
She should come. I hope the sun will be shining as much as today.
It will be fun.
It will be strange, mixing those lives together.
In my head, she belonged to 'Tel Aviv' to that part of my life.
And suddenly she will bump into my life here.
Some time ago, it would have made me crazy, I was not able to mix those things, worried about how
people might fit or not fit together. How friends from friends not always can be friends of eachother.
So maybe it will be funny.
But that's ok.
After 8 months of being abroad, one's mind does change in a way.
More relaxed, and more relying on things we don't have control over.
Able to let go, and to know that some things you just can't control.
Letting those things go is a relieve...
(See me smiling)
So yalla baby. Come. Everybody is curious about you...
smile.
Posted on July 11, 2003
in Living in Belgium
Digg this | Add to Delicious | Technorati reactions | Permalink | Comments (0)
Flemish day
Boring day at work.
Everybody was little bit dizzy in the head, and especially me, still sick.
SO I managed to get through the day and be happy bout that. Because in the end we would go to buy me a helmet and jacket.
And most important go to the park to drink champagne (okok extravagant but oh-so joyful).
(And no it is no real champagne, we are happy with a blanc de blanc...)
Today is 11th of July, and this is the 'Flemish' holiday.
Again I was stunned. The same thing in Israel would result in a mass of Israeli flags, and people singing Israeli songs.
No flags here. Or just few.
And instead of Flemish songs (well they do sing them in Ieper, but not in Ghent) we had Marocian musicians in the parc, and Africans doing djembe.
We had moslims, black people, flemish people all sitting together and having fun.
No real sign we were having a Flemish holiday today, it could have been PolePole festival, or another worldmusicthing.
I love it. The fact that this is possible, and it is in the city I live in.
Off course it was set up, and special for this 'Flemish holiday' but it did happen and nobody was thinking of disturbing this event.
Next weekend we will have the same in de Gentse Feesten, 10 days of dance, music, culture, and worldmusic. Tango, salsa, djembe,... but also techno, rock, Belgian rock etc.
And offcourse beer and mussels.
We will have all nationalities walking around, and so many people. Ghent will not belong to the 'Gentenaars' for 10 days. But we love it (and the ones that don't just leave for holidays.)
We will go and rock and party next weekend...
You're coming
Posted on July 12, 2003
in Living in Belgium
Digg this | Add to Delicious | Technorati reactions | Permalink | Comments (0)
Kill the pain
Aaaaaaaaargh. Tooth aches. I am coming to the point they can take my teeth, as long as the pain stops.... I am soooo happy this is happening while I am in Belgium and not, let's say, Syria or even Tel Aviv. In the first case I don't know what would happen to my mouth, in the second what would happen to my wallet...
Anyway, after a night of NO sleep, I crossed to the dentist. If they pleeeeeeeeease release me from this pain as soon as possible.
Well, tonight I can go and please not to much painstillers so I can locate the pain.
About the painstillers: I took 2 and I still can locate everything....
Zabine mailed me that she rather give me a dinner on a day I can enjoy her cooking and she's right. So we go and drink champagne in the park. To forget.
I saw I got the (in my opinion) lesbian dentist. So maybe I do get some fun out of it...
Painful grin.
Tamar is coming after tomorrow. Looking forward to it. I hope the weather stays the same as now. If she reads this, she has to remind to take that repellant, because mosquitos do bite here. And OK, I am the one they are biting, but they know you're from Tel Aviv, so they will attack you too, mami...
Yesterday I resigned. I had a long talk with my boss, and the business is going bad (everywhere in Belgium. Seems we can buy cars here at veryvery cheap prices now) Some people have to leave the company, and I guess my collegues are rather happy I am going for another year.
My boss too, because it makes it less difficult to 'choose' somebody to fire....
So I stop on August 19th. (Still have to find some little jobs in September to earn a living...)
Strange to cut all the links. Last year I still had some back-up: a job, a car (which is now worth nothing, so it was a bad decision but I guess I needed it to have a comfortable mind...) and in a way a home. Now I quit, I get rid of the car (somebody wants to have it for free?), and I am moving houses which are not mine...
But it is OK.
There will be always something to come back for, and I guess if you want hard enough they're will be jobs too.
In my mind everything is very logical.
Other people look a little bit strange when I say I am going back.
It's like we said before: you have to go away to be able to come back...
The swallow on my ancle smiles.
Posted on July 15, 2003
in Living in Belgium
Digg this | Add to Delicious | Technorati reactions | Permalink | Comments (0)
Pink elephants flying around
Yesterday a great day. In the evening I mean, after my dentist gave me a huge shot of morfine... (or something similar. grin) I didn't feel anything anymore...
Heaven has to be painless... No teeth there.
Zabine picked me up (I guess she felt a little bit sorry for me) and we went to the park, drink champagne (she didn't want to cook for a tasteless person)
Well the champagne tasted very well, and we had a great quiet evening.
I really loved it.
Although a lot of things happened and things changed while I was away, nothing changed.
Evrything stayed the same.
We were looking to the swallows in the air, and I guess a lot of people that know me, have to think of me when they see a swallow (yes, Martien, I have a tattoo, a little swallow on my ancle.)
And suddenly she is staring in the air and says: believe it or not but i see pink elephants flying.
I thought she was joking, but when she made me look up, I saw indeed this big pink elephant.
An airballoon.
It was great, a good joke and I knew everything is OK.
Later, I went to bed in the open sky, on the roof at Bart's. It is too hot in this country to sleep inside.
Only few stars shining, if you compare it to the amazing silent desert (or noisy for other people) in Jordan.
I dreamt of pink elephants, no mosquitos and Tel Aviv coming over.
Today I crossed to my sisters place, to sneak in the mailbox.. YES!!!! My plate has arrived, so I will go and fetch that beauty today (and probably soon, the weather is too good to work...)
And while passing the city in the tram, I suddenly wondered 'Why do I want to go to all these places when this place/Ghent ressembles perfection?'
I don't have an answer for that.
And I don't think the answers will come easily...
Posted on July 16, 2003
in Living in Belgium
Digg this | Add to Delicious | Technorati reactions | Permalink | Comments (0)
Hard Shoulder
Today I learned a lot about myself.
i learned it not by falling of a motorcycle, not by feeling the anger towards somebody, not by reading silences in people's eyes and not by feeling discomfortable in certain situations.
I learned it by seeing somebody getting out of a car in the wrong place at the wrong moment.
When I shouted her name. And before my eyes another car. In my head an accident.
At that certain moment I knew.
I never declared anybody really insain, and when I called her insain that moment I didn't mean it. I only know what I felt. An immense love and the feeling that it could be gone in seconds.
It could have been anybody else of my friends and I know I would have felt the same.
A canonball of love in my heart.
It is stuck there now. Don't know what to do. I feel lost. In a way.
Give me some hours please...
Posted on July 18, 2003
in Living in Belgium
Digg this | Add to Delicious | Technorati reactions | Permalink | Comments (0)
Images burned in my eyes
Images burnt in my eyes, memories stuck forever.
I watch a plane heading for the sun. She's gone.
The ghost of Kristin Hershes song is dwarreling around.
And while I drive for Ghent, I know the city is full of people, yet I will feel alone.
If people ask me if I miss Tel Aviv, yes I do.
Tamar asked me whether I miss Sigal. I do.
You ask me whether I miss Tamar. I do.
I put Coldplay. Clocks.... Sad song.
And still I can smile.
Because it is the song of memories, of mo(nu)ments, stuck in time.
I smiled at Tamar when she left, saying that in a moment there would be no more proof she has been here. It might have been a long dream, and nobody to say it wasn't.
Except for our thoughts, behind closed eyes a sea of smiles and grins.
No pictures at all. Only one missed shot in an Esprit-shop and one of a woman looking back while heading for a plane.
No pictures because they could not tell any story. They would not represent anything.
An atomium? A sense of happiness? How can one put it in images.
Do images matter? I know these days were impossible for me to put in images, so I keep them burned in my mind.
The last for days were great. Tiring, sunny, full of joy and yet sometimes pain.
Tel Aviv settling down in Ghent.
The ooh's and aah's because of seeing history in buildings, of green at night, or too many people in the streets at 4 in the morning.
Eating mussels with cognac, eating french fries at 5 in the morning, with tartar. Not eating at all.
Driving while seeing sunrise. An atomium moving us around. The Grand Market hidden between narrow streets, a story about a man and a fish. A lake late at night.
And soo many friends. Being around.
I guess this is what I realized showing my world, how many friends I have. They were there when I came back, hugging around, being there when I missed what was far away.
They were there the last 4 days.
And the best thing, they'll stay around.
Last 4 days raced through time, past too fast.
A heart full of boxes with memories.
Last 8 months might have been a dream. And might fade away slowly.
But if I close my eyes and breath very slowly, everything becomes clear again, real again.
Too real not to be true...
Posted on July 20, 2003
Digg this | Add to Delicious | Technorati reactions | Permalink | Comments (2)
Read my mind
Not so much to tell. It was my fathers birthday today (Want to congratulate him? Mail to baudewijn.dehandschutter@cottagekitchen.com. He became 51.)
Had a long meeting, which was really interesting, you'll hear soon more on this project. So this was how I spent my holiday of July 21, our national holiday.
No flags hanging around (atleast not so much as Israel...) and yes, in the morning the speech of the king, with the national hymn.
In fact, I love to hear it once in a while. Because it is so old. I don't think of the Belgian nation, while hearing it, but it has this kind of proud feeling inside of the song.
And every year on this day, it is my fathers birthday. That's why my grandparents called him 'Boudewijn', the name of the king those days. Funny but the truth.
In Ghent, the local people are getting sick of the Gentse Feesten already. And we make meetings with friends outside of the city.
Me, I am trying to get some more sleep these days. Didn't get much of that last days.
Too much fun. Wanted to tell a lot on that, but too tired to write it down.
Take it for another day.
Or try to read my mind...
Posted on July 21, 2003
in Living in Belgium
Digg this | Add to Delicious | Technorati reactions | Permalink | Comments (0)
History in the streets
i smile,
while i am driving throug this city, this land, because i see things different.
after being away for so long, you look different to things,like you're in a strange country.
i had to think yesterday about what they tell in the movie l'auberge espagnole.
you learn to know the streets, the places in a different country and you make it yours.
when i drive into ghent, from the highway, it starts already.
one sees things that are not there, memories.
i pass the park and think of the jazz-festival some years ago, i see the library and see kristien that always picks me up at that place, the park becomes the champagneplace, the baudelopark reminds me of gentse feesten and playing basket, the place where i first heard about the falling of the towers,...
so many stories.
the same with tel aviv and other places. you make it yours.
when tamar came, she marked herself in my city. she belongs to it now. Even if she is not here, she will be.
Like my mom in Tel Aviv, in the nice restaurant near the beach. Every tie i'll pass that one, i have to think bout her.
I guess a city is not always nice because of it's surroundings, it is nice, because of we that live in it. Because the past it has. Our past.
Moshe Ninio once told me, in one of our strange talks, of the European (especially Belgian and Dutch) habit of putting things to show at windows.
Also Tamar remarked it being here.
And yes, I never stood still for the phenomena.
But all the little porcelain animals, the little fake flowers, the teddybears, are showing of for the people outside.
For me it was always just a laugh.
But when I start to think of it, even my mom does it in a (totally different) way.
Also she puts little things (although much more nicer than the porcelain dogs) that can be seen from outside.
I never remarked it elsewhere.
And maybe it is a good idea to take a series of pictures of that.
When strolling through the streets and the environments, I love it even more. The zigzag of the houses, the anarchy that rules and yet is so well conserved.
It is different because I can explain the background, because we learned.
When Tamar remarked the houses are put next to eachother, in a row, I can explain it is because of the industrial revolution in the beginning of the 20th century. That she has to watch Daens to understand.
When she sees the big nice buildings, we can explain it is the social movement that became important after the revolution of the working class.
Or the old houses in the cities, are from the 'gilden'.
Everything has a story, and somehow I learned something on it, long ago.
Now I start to understand why it took so long to get over the middle ages in history class.
I was interested in what happened the last 50 years in this area, in the world.
But more and more I understand that our country is determined by things that are older than that.
The way it looks, the canals, the old cities, the way of building, the socialsm, the explanation of our social security, even our streets and the way they are leading to, are older than the last 50 years.
Yet, now I have to start to read on those last 50 years. In order to know.
Not to understand, because the last 50 years, there is nothing to understand anymore...
Posted on July 25, 2003
in Living in Belgium
Digg this | Add to Delicious | Technorati reactions | Permalink | Comments (0)
Every stoplight is red the last 48 hours
I have been running around the last days, working, arranging and yet in the end: nothing...
Time passing by.
Checking on the rules of a 'shabbatyear', paying bills for social security, wondering when my taxes pay back, making appointments for business, and running into too many closed doors...
Sometimes I get sick of it, when things don't rule like they have to. When you have every stoplight for the next 48 hours.
Things have to collide, go smoothly and easy. And it is fun when it works.
It worked like that for the last 3 years.
Silently I am still waiting when the 7 years of luck will turn.
But I never believe they come, I don't want to believe.
Not even after this horrible week of too many costs (fixing motorcycle, paying fee of towing away the car, and other bad luck I had lately.)
I can't stop thinking tomorrow will be better.
It is the only thing you can stick to. Because for me, I believe in the self furfilling prophecy.
People ask me wether I have changed. Because I look the same and I do the same.
But I did. In the way I dream away. In the way I am here and not always here.
I takes me time to oversee 8 months. To see things from here, to put them in a perspective.
That's what I am busy with in a way. Remembering and giving it a place.
The other thing is that you make relativations, much more than people who haven't been away.
'The bigger perspective'. And maybe a sociologue should make a research on it. I think it could be very interesting.
Probably I am not the only one who experiences things like that after a trip.
But everytime coming back from somewhere, it is the thing that strikes me.
'We are so lucky. We just don't see it or forget to see.'
I guess you're right, that those things are easy to say for me. Because I don't have to worry, and I am away in no time.
I don't know. I face the same bullnuts when going to the taxes, when paying the bills, when having stupid problems or less stupid problems.
And yet.
It sounds cruel, but thinking of worse misery, I can smile in a minute.
(It is not cruel, it is more cruel to those people to say you're unhappy (with all that wealth) )
I had a discussion on that with John, who says Belgium is a country that will go bankrupt in some years. Maybe he's right. But I don't mind paying those taxes. Ok, we all curse when the bills come into the mailbox.
But some days ago I had to pay the dentist, I went with the bill to the social security and got almost everything back...
You have to take advantage of those things... (in a good way I mean)
Some people say that the money I get now from the government is their money.
Hey! It is my money too! I have been working for some years (not much, but I did pay taxes) and I will be working for more years.
I am just the one using it, asking for pay-back time in what I invested.
That's what that money is for.
No guilt on that. (It is not that I am lying in the sun, doing nothing...)
Yesterday the organisation of companies decided to put the costs for one employee on the paying bills. Nice, it will make people think what your boss is paying for you.
And the man in the television was saying interesting things: the money our bosses pay, are giving us social security, and a government. And all the other advantages.
People tend to forget why we live in wealth.
The other question, I had to agree on, and what John means, is 'Does the business and companies have to pay for all that stuff?'
The thing is, when the companies won't pay for it anymore, somebody else will. So be prepared for higher taxes... grin.
Posted on July 25, 2003
in Living in Belgium
Digg this | Add to Delicious | Technorati reactions | Permalink | Comments (1)
Last gentse Feesten for me...
I went to the Gentse Feesten with Martien (a good friend, and housemate during studies). If you would have been here, your mouth would fall open. We are 8 days busy now, and yesterday it was even more full than in the beginning... Even if it has been raining yesterday.
The bad news... My car was taken because I was wrongly parked (which I really didnt know)so we had to go at 3 in the morning to the police office and then been driven by pendle to the cartakenplace and then see the bill. Humhummie... 150 euro. (without the police fee... But an officer told me they would drop this)
I guess I will go and visit my parents and grandmother and look very very sad... Grin (Walla! Maybe they feel a little sorry for me, the poor kid. Lol)
Anyway, I think I will urgently do some jobs (taking pictures) in order to gain the money back, very very fast.
My boss didnt pay me any money yet (although we have a huge vacation fee...)
And taxes have to give me back a lot of money to. I guess they have vacation.... Grgrgrgr.
Enough on that, or I get a depression.
On the Gentse Feesten, it was Vive la fête, they are very famous (Belgians) because they played on private parties for Karl Lagerfield etc.
My god. She was ugly, and wearing this too short dress, and I was wondering how many drugs she took before the show. She couldnt say a decent word anymore.
Luckily there songs only exist out of one word (now I dont wonder why anymore) and so far she could remember all her songs (which are called: bananasplit, jealous, dark desire,...)
But it was fun.
So Tim and Mieke and Giovanni and Mireille and all the others turned up out of nowhere (I guess we go back to the same things in the end), and we went to the park.
(After that I found out the car was towed, I just went home...)
Tonight it is Sven Van Hees ( http://fluke.student.utwente.nl/chilledbeats/show_album.php?album_id=138 7&add_view=no ) on the Gentse feesten, but because of lack of money, I will turn it on my computer...
Tomorrow there will be bbq, for which I am designing the invitation now. (Everybody knows, but yet a little plan to Kristiens place can be easy...)
It will be called: BBQ in the Golan, (without the Golan) with a picture of the Golan in fire... Grin.
(Ill send the invitation too)
And I hope the sun keeps shining, because otherwise I do have a problem...
Thats it folks...
(Added later: Monday, last days of Gentse Feesten, they released the numbers: 1,6 million people visited the Gentse feesten this year, that make a lager number than last year... On Tuesdaymorning, on the Vlasmarkt, round 9 AM, the place was full and people were still dancing (but also veryvery drunk...)
The Gentse feesten gets know as the biggest folkfestival of Europe. We, from Gent, dont know if we like that so much. -and maybe adding all this advertisement in this blog doesn't help it- It is a great festival, but more and more it becomes a festival of foreigners and not ours anymore...)
Posted on July 26, 2003
in Living in Belgium
Digg this | Add to Delicious | Technorati reactions | Permalink | Comments (0)
When other people read your blog
One night on the Gentse Feesten, I saw this boys from highschool. This is what the Gentse feesten is about for us, seeing those old comrades back again.
They were pretty drunk already, and one of them told me they had a nickname for me: Ine Subsidie (which means something like 'Ine ...' I had to laugh about that, but the most remarkable thing was that these guys, whom I didn't see for 2 years or more, knew all about this blog, and about what I am busy with.
Heck, I don't know what most of them are doing... But they know about me. Flattering.
The same thing happened some days later, when I saw this guy from photography. We graduated together. I didn't see him for 3 years. He could mention what I was busy with, while I didn't even know he was still photographing...
I don't know what this has to mean.
Because, truly, I am not busy with these things. I am just trying to make fun, and this blog was ment to be for friends and family to follow the stories.
Seems again that more people are following the story, more than I ever imagined...
It is funny to mention Tamar and Sigal or Yasser to my friends, and they immedialty know what I am talking about. They have an image of these people.
(Sometimes I wonder if this is fair, to tell the story and to involve others in this story. But then again why not tell such a nice story?)
Posted on July 26, 2003
in Living in Belgium
Digg this | Add to Delicious | Technorati reactions | Permalink | Comments (0)
BBQ in the garden
Yesterday a bbq, with some friends in a garden.
Life can be easy: fire, some meat and fish, patatoes, tomatoes, cucumber, carrots.
And lots of mayonaise.
And many people to put those things in stomachs and fill up the gaps with laughter and stories.
Everybody seemed a little bit tired of too many days on the Gentse Feesten, but yet, I don't know for the rest, I enjoyed it very much.
Even without the sauces of Devos-Lemmens...
Posted on July 28, 2003
in Living in Belgium
Digg this | Add to Delicious | Technorati reactions | Permalink | Comments (0)
Synchro at sunset
Deja-vu while writing this...
Tonight, while driving home (=Kristiens place) form work, I decided that I wanted to go to the sea. Synchronize.
75 miles on my motorcycle to see sunset on the beach.
It was not sunset that was great, it was driving towards it.
A magnificent sky, clouded, like Belgium has soo many, as if it is the last day before the Last Resurrection.
No photographer would need to add light in this print...
And behind the clouds, suddenly the sun appears.
Meanwhile Eden of www.hooverphonic.com in my ears, 120 on the highway.
The sea.... my sea. It is so different than the one in Tel Aviv.
Ours smells different, looks different
Ours is grey, as the sky. Or sometimes greyblue. Depending the weather.
And it looks like a minimalistic painting.
While the one in Tel Aviv has more colours. Pink half an hour looks better over there.
I like both.
Jacques Brel sings on this in 'Pays plat', his flat land.
And I have no better words to describe.
Remarkable is the fact that we have these go-carts to drive along the beach. And for the chldren. I never saw it in Tel Aviv. And while mentioning, I never saw it in many other places...
As for the synchronizing: while eating a Belgian waffle with sugar, I got a voice in my ear, that made me smile
Posted on July 29, 2003
in Living in Belgium
Digg this | Add to Delicious | Technorati reactions | Permalink | Comments (3)
Brains working
Didn't do a lot today.. Yeahyeahyeah, worked on some sites. But that's it. Suddenly I got a phonecall that a design for a invitation had to be ready today instead of next week. So I had 2 hours to fix something up... Great...This is always the problem for designers, photographers, ... it had to be ready yesterday. But yesterday you didn't had the information.
Aaargh...
Anyway fixed it.
Later continued working on the websites.
12 o'clock PM, after eating chips, I see a documentary on the brains. It seems that our brains are changing all the time, and brain cells are making links all the time, with other brain cells.
So it is really right to say it is all about linking...
For children, the linking happens all the time, the dissapearing also.
It is truly an amazing to see how the brain works, how there are memories locked.
Memories recapturing is a miracle, because we remember what we felt the same time.
As for me I try to capture my memories and lock them in this big library in my mind.
I know I remember a lot of things, because at night, I dream away, and I relive things again and again.
The documentary explains why I remember certain things better than others. Why every moment of sunset in TLV is burnt in my brain. While from other days I don't remember anything.
I guess in a way this is why I started to take pictures in the first place. To burn those things in other places than my mind. When I see a picture, I can recall everything, even conversations. Word by word.
Other memories don't need those pictures, because they are strong enough...
Posted on July 30, 2003
in Living in Belgium
Digg this | Add to Delicious | Technorati reactions | Permalink | Comments (0)
Making up stories
Why are we sometimes hooked up on the phone? Why is it hard to make the phone dead?
Just got a telephonebill, one phonecall: 28 euro... (well, this is promising for the future... other bills to come...)(and I tell you, having long distance friends is not helping things...)
I remember those days, when things went wrong at home, and me, I am a talker, on empty words but when it comes to the real stuff... well suddenly the silence seems to big, and I don't have any words left...
I still do it, in difficult moments, call a friend to not to talk, not to say anything, just silence the two of us, on the phone.
You may say it is expensive silence. It is. But there is so much more said then when we would use words. And for that reason it is worth it every penny.
I silenced for hours 7 years ago...
Or I called a friend and said 'tell me a story', and she knew I just needed to hear somebody, rather than talking on what was on my mind.
It has always been like this and it will stay a little longer like that (though, I did change and talk easier now)
Not all my friends understand, these silences, they try to peek in me, to get the words out. But it is no use.
Hearing stories makes me calm. Maybe because it reminds me of the amazing fairytales my father invented when we were kids. On the little dwarf that travelled the world. And in the end we were so tired we could fall asleep with a peaceful heart.
Making stories is fun. Let your mind explore the most amazing fantasies. Put a word and stick one next to it, and in the end you have this non existing reality.
I've tried it with really good friends, and it is funny to see how some have this mindblowing fantasies, and just do it in a sec, while others really have to let go reality.
But once they get into the making up part, it is amazing.
Then you get fun for hours.
And in the end, it gets hard to sleep.
So try. Maybe a story on a girl and little cakes?
Posted on July 31, 2003
in Living in Belgium
Digg this | Add to Delicious | Technorati reactions | Permalink | Comments (1)
Long lost memory of a forgotten weekend
While cleaning up a house (yesyes, I finally started...) I found some old pictures of an almost forgotten weekend. I love the sea in winter..
You should see how Basil grew up by now. Smiling.
Posted on July 31, 2003
in Limit of my knowledge
Digg this | Add to Delicious | Technorati reactions | Permalink | Comments (0)
